It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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一篇关于旅游的论文物流管理系统 毕业论文雾霾环境论文当代数字影像艺术论文沥青路面摊铺论文 参考文献一篇关于旅游的论文泰国龙 论文雾霾环境论文学前教育 毕业论文开题报告 ppt论文针织厂设计大学毕业生德育论文范文雾霾环境论文团队沟通论文大学毕业生德育论文范文论文发表代理哪家靠谱论文针织厂设计习作教学 论文海洋与人类论文沥青路面摊铺论文 参考文献地铁实习论文中国奶业发展 论文海洋与人类论文学前教育 毕业论文开题报告 ppt关于证券的论文煤炭洗选技术论文中国石油进口贸易中存在的问题及对策论文参考文献煤炭洗选技术论文散打防守论文地铁实习论文对生态旅游的理解论文五彩斑斓的背后总是深邃的黑……马克?李,无论干掉你的是谁,我都会为你报仇,以告慰你在天之灵。 注①:第一次写文,用的是第一人称,慎入。 注②:因为是同一个作者写的, 所以这篇也能在话本小说(如果有更多 人支持的话将来可能会在B站?)找到。 注③:作者是学生党,随缘更新。孤烟灼,大漠凉, 千绝弃吾伤,无人伴身旁。 万物若寒光,无处暖心房。 纵有心头怀热血, 不抵寒夜浸魂霜。一个持续万余年的计划 只为对抗 第一圣人毁灭世界的阴谋 却不想其他世界的误入 让整个行动造成了无法挽回的偏差 是绝地重生? 还是陷入绝望…… 2260年人类过度开采地球,生态环境严重破坏,不适宜人类生存 地球权贵移民火星 平民留在地球 创世神埔思在地球放下星际的产物——星穹之子 以拯救百姓于水火我们那一直流传“白棺拉人”和“滚尸桥”的邪门怪事,老一辈的人讲,滚尸桥那是有水鬼收人,而白棺拉人,则更加诡异邪门... 一代“龙”子血脉的觉醒,伴随而来的是强大实力,还是沉重责任,亦或者是那邪恶势力的无尽追杀······倒霉蛋李悠然被陨石砸中,竟然被超高智能机械生命寄生,穿越到了陌生的异世界。在这个剑与魔法的世界,李悠然又是如何用机械科技走出一条康庄大道? 【幕后流】【金手指绑定】【反派】 一朝重生异世,随身携带系统,只要绑定天骄,就能不断变强,本该因此走上人生巅峰, 但是奈何系统过于坑爹, 不仅要使天骄不断变强,还要使他们走上对立面,防止气运之海崩塌, 这还好说,最让他不解的是,为什么,一个天骄死亡,他也要跟着消亡? 且看,主角如何将天骄玩弄于鼓掌之间,笑看天下风云。当黑暗来临,你是否看到那道黎明带来的曙光? 并非不是天才,末世来临的前一刻,你还在等什么? 绝望?恐惧?无助?彷徨? 都不是,我在等一个控制丧尸的机会,而你在等什么?我每次送盆去给阿婆,她都请我喝咖啡,她很喜欢咖啡和鲜花,为人开朗,豁达,有很强的亲和力。
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